|Love … Death|

Fall to that desecrated ground, and let it be consecrated by his hands, by his will, and in his namesake…
And on that day, every knee bent, and on that day, every countenance failed, and on that day, fear unparalleled, indwelled the spirits of men.
If but one prayer would be answered, I’d ask my reluctance to life be lifted, and the veil of death, be opened… I’d ask thee to take me, to receive me beforehand, my beloveds…
I cannot bear the thought of witnessing those I care about, so inexpressibly, bewept and awash, into death and loftless loss.
I cannot even by your hands, but by your commendation, withstand the heartache which ensues and follows the bleak misfortune that is death, nor can I implore thee enough, to let them outlast me, and mine essence, in this life. 
If you will allot me but one mercy, let it be — death takes me, before it does them; let it be, death consumes me, instead of them; let it be, death becomes me, if arises the circumstance.
Oh how I thought that star was lesser…,
Knowing now, I was not the wiser…,
The sorrow seems inexorable to and from my being…if only the emptiness could be stripped away, how then the longing would lead to disarray…
My love for my parents is inexpressibly great, so much, that it hurts, and painfully wanes and tears at my soul…
I feel so lost, and so incomplete, I feel hopeless, useless and beyond brokenness.  I am the bane of my family, I am that which weighs them down, I am not the solution, I am the problem…